|Resolving Divorce Issues through
Divorce is a uniquely emotional event. When the intensity of the divorce leads
to conflict, however, family members suffer not only in the short-run but
throughout their lives. This is especially true when children are involved. And
yet, so many people go on to litigate. In the seeming protection of their
attorneys, they attempt to "win" their divorce. Divorce cannot be won. An
objective of winning simply guarantees that all in the family lose.
And yet, what is the alternative? It is to work together so that the eventual
resolutions meet the needs of all involved, including the need for harmony.
The goal of divorce, then, is not simply to settle financial and custody issues
but to ensure some level of understanding between the spouses. This is no
doubt difficult—particularly when both find in themselves profound anger,
doubt, fear, sadness and numbness. However, unless an investment in
understanding is made upfront, any solutions will be superficial at best.
Family members may in fact get on with their lives, but lives that continued to
be plagued with conflict and resentment.
Through mediation, I help couples address the legal issues of the divorce with
the goal of penetrating the deeper conflict and ensuring understanding.
Ultimately, families conclude the process with effective and lasting agreements
on co-parenting, child support, property allocation and spousal support (as
appropriate). But perhaps most importantly, families resume life with mutual
recognition and in large part freedom from animosity.
San Francisco and Oakland
|Resolving Conflict through Understanding
is there any rational alternative?