| Resolving Inheritance Problems through Understanding |
Estate disputes are deeply embedded in family history and can carry the
mounting charge and emotion of decades. They tend to arise at a time when
family members are trying to come to grips with the death of a loved one. These
conflicts arise for a host of reasons: the deceased failed to, or was unable to,
deal with certain assets during his or her lifetime; the provisions of the deceased’
s Will are unclear; the terms of the Will do not meet expectations, be these
expectations reasonable or unreasonable; or an emotional misunderstanding
has simply been developing for years.
Now that the "glue" that was holding the family together is gone, the children or
grandchildren cannot seem to bridge the emotional gap. And so, sadly, in
anger, pain and frustration, too often they turn to attorneys to resolve the
differences. But most lawyers, though well-intentioned, are trained to be
advocates, not to restore relationships. And so, the children and grandchildren
enter a process which deepens the pain and misunderstandings, destroys the
remainder of the relationship, and often costs more than the amount in dispute.
There is another way. A full remedy, as always, lies in helping those who are in
pain fully express themselves and fully hear the other. Just as anger and
confusion are self-escalating, so too is understanding self-deescalating. And
understanding, though seemingly unattainable, is always achievable. Of
course, the substantive differences facing the family members don’t simply
disappear when they begin to understand each other's perspectives, but the
greatest barriers to resolution – pain and anger – are largely removed.
Perspective, respect and warmth normally return and solutions flow from there.
mounting charge and emotion of decades. They tend to arise at a time when
family members are trying to come to grips with the death of a loved one. These
conflicts arise for a host of reasons: the deceased failed to, or was unable to,
deal with certain assets during his or her lifetime; the provisions of the deceased’
s Will are unclear; the terms of the Will do not meet expectations, be these
expectations reasonable or unreasonable; or an emotional misunderstanding
has simply been developing for years.
Now that the "glue" that was holding the family together is gone, the children or
grandchildren cannot seem to bridge the emotional gap. And so, sadly, in
anger, pain and frustration, too often they turn to attorneys to resolve the
differences. But most lawyers, though well-intentioned, are trained to be
advocates, not to restore relationships. And so, the children and grandchildren
enter a process which deepens the pain and misunderstandings, destroys the
remainder of the relationship, and often costs more than the amount in dispute.
There is another way. A full remedy, as always, lies in helping those who are in
pain fully express themselves and fully hear the other. Just as anger and
confusion are self-escalating, so too is understanding self-deescalating. And
understanding, though seemingly unattainable, is always achievable. Of
course, the substantive differences facing the family members don’t simply
disappear when they begin to understand each other's perspectives, but the
greatest barriers to resolution – pain and anger – are largely removed.
Perspective, respect and warmth normally return and solutions flow from there.
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| Resolving Conflict through Understanding |
inheritance