through Understanding
mounting charge and emotion of decades. They tend to arise at a time
when family members are trying to come to grips with the death of a loved
one. These conflicts arise for a host of reasons: the deceased failed to, or
was unable to, deal with certain assets during his or her lifetime; the
provisions of the deceased’s Will are unclear; the terms of the Will do not
meet expectations, be these expectations reasonable or unreasonable; or
an emotional misunderstanding has simply been developing for years.
Now that the "glue" that was holding the family together is gone, the
children or grandchildren cannot seem to bridge the emotional gap. And
so, sadly, in anger, pain and frustration, too often they turn to attorneys to
resolve the differences. But most lawyers, though well-intentioned, are
trained to be advocates, not to restore relationships. And so, the children
and grandchildren enter a process which deepens the pain and
misunderstandings, destroys the remainder of the relationship, and often
costs more than the amount in dispute.
There is another way. A full remedy, as always, lies in helping those who
are in pain fully express themselves and fully hear the other. Just as
anger and confusion are self-escalating, so too is understanding self-
deescalating. And understanding, though seemingly unattainable, is
always achievable. Of course, the substantive differences facing the
family members don’t simply disappear when they begin to understand
each other's perspectives, but the greatest barriers to resolution – pain
and anger – are largely removed. Perspective, respect and warmth
normally return and solutions flow from there.
